Getting Dumped article includes Patti’s comments. Enjoy.
Is it Romantic Armageddon, or just Uncomfortable Shoes?
13 Warning Signs You're About To Get Dumped!
By Lisa Daily
Want to know if your relationship is about to hit the skids? Looking for tell-tale signs that your love will last through next week? Well, look no further. Below you'll find the "Unlucky 13"-13 warning signs you're about to get dumped.
We surveyed a variety of experts to find the most common warning signs a person is about to get dumped --including psychologists, body language experts, graphologists, private investigators and a divorce attorney. And here's what we found:
1. Is it romantic Armageddon or uncomfortable shoes?
Where the toes point, the heart follows. According to body language expert Patti Wood, MA, CSP, you should, "look at your sweetie's feet when you are out with other people." She says, "If they are pointed at you, great." If they're pointed at someone else, your partner may be looking to walk.
2. You're starting to feel like a telemarketer.
Is your sweetie anxious to end phone conversations right away? A person who knows she's going to end the relationship with you, but hasn't done so yet will be itching to get off the phone with you. If she is talking to you, but not adding anything to the conversation it's a sign she is heading towards the finish line. She's probably just pacing herself.
3. He's no longer interested in sex, or worse, he has a new bag of tricks and a trapeze with the tags still on it.
A dramatic change in sexual behavior can mean two things: (a) He wants to avoid any situation where she might have to express emotion or attachment to you, or (b) He's getting it somewhere else.
4. He avoids talking about the future.
We're not just talking the general, garden variety aversion that men have to discussing relationships. We're talking about a man who avoids having one of those "we have to talk" talks like it's a shot of The Plague. As for the future, when next Thursday seems like too much of a commitment, it could be because he's trying to extricate himself by Wednesday night.
5. He says, "I need some space" or "I think we should see other people."
According to psychologist Jesse Rabinowitz, Ph.D, people don't usually want to hurt someone else, so they use "exit strategies." By telling you he wants to see other people, he's not technically breaking up with you (so no big crying scene to endure) but he's given himself a way out. Of course, the second he gets a little distance, he's going to make a run for it.
6. If she's looking left, something's not right.
According to Bill Raduenz, a private investigator, a person who looks up into the air and to the left when she speaks to you is "not being truthful." The look left is an indication we're using the "creative" side of our brains and a good indicator she's telling you a whopper.
7. He gives you that little pat on the back.
Watch out for this one. A person who gives you a hug while patting you on the back is indicating that they are uneasy. According to Raduenz, the "hand pat" on the back indicates someone is uncomfortable with what they're doing. The bigger the pat, the more discomfort they feel. There's more.
Another important sign that things may not be going well is the amount of contact during a hug. Full frontal contact is good. The one-shoulder hug, or pulling away in other areas could be a sign the person is "distancing" in the relationship. If it's a new relationship, the other person may not be quite ready for that level of physical contact. If it's an established relationship, it could be a sign the person is pulling away, or getting ready to break off the relationship.
8. You don't like what you see in the mirror.
People mirror each other's body language when they are in love with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. If you're noticing the two of you are out of sync, you probably are. That's not all.
According to body language expert Wood, a person who is about to dump you will display a lack of open "windows" towards you. "Windows" being his heart, eyes, neck and palms. If your man turns his heart (the center of his chest) away from you as you are talking to each other, it's a big sign he's not interested.
9. You see the writing on the wall.
According to graphologist Karen Weinberg, QDE, a person who is thinking of ending arelationship will show clues in her handwriting. When writing the word "love" she maydrop the letter "e." Another sign to watch for is if your partner diminishes the size of your name (sign of your importance to her) or makes your name very large and dark (a sign of anger.)
10. Every normal person should know which way the toilet paper goes...
If she's picking silly fights, or there's an unusual increase in emotional distance, you've got bad news. According to Melvyn Frumkes, an attorney specializing in divorce, "a person who picks nonsensical arguments is trying to get the other person (you) to make the first move."
11. He keeps you waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
"Time is an important non-verbal communicator," says Wood. If he keeps you waiting, it's a sign his interest is waning, and a sign of disrespect. This is true for dates as well. If he starts waiting until the very last minute to make date plans with you, it's likely he's lost interest, or he's hoping something better will come along and he's using you as a back-up.
12. She buys a personal pager, or a pre-paid cell phone.
This is bad news. Just about every private investigator in the book will tell you the pager purchase is a sign of impending heartbreak. Sure, it could be for work, but more likely, she's using it to get a head start on her post-you life. Beep Beep and Bye Bye.
13. He used to be a three-blue-shirts-and-four-pair-of-chinos kind of guy, and suddenly he's obsessed with Armani.
According to Attorney Mel Frumkes, a person who is about to leave (or is cheating) will take greater care with his appearance - updating his wardrobe, losing weight, working out and even changing cologne. If your sweetie looks like he just finished taping an episode of "A Makeover Story" - Those chinos might not be the only dud he's looking to lose.
Want to know when you're most likely to get the axe? Most experts agree it's somewhere in the neighborhood of the first 3-5 months. So, stock up on tissues and Ben & Jerry's if you're heading into the danger zone. Only time (and his shoes) will tell.
You have permission to publish the article (Is it Romantic Armageddon or Just Uncomfortable Shoes?) electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines and web site at the end of the article are included.
(C) Copyright 2002, by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.
Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!: All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love with You and Marry The One in Three Years or Less. At bookstores now. As seen on "The Sally Show"-Want our FREE Dating Tips newsletter? Chock-full of man-snagging techniques - get it at www.stopgettingdumped.com
For more information on body language expert Patti Wood: www.pattiwood.net